guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
