and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
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I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
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Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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