it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
