It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
