they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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