i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
