you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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