I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
