Screwed.edu
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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