where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Randomize
