If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
