I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
