Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
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