i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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