Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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