Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
