Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
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Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
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Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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