Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
