you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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