ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
this just has baby written all over it
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
