I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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