They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Randomize
