Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
