after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
