Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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