dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
