Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
