So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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