i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
