You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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