Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
