Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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