guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
