if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
third nipple confirmed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Randomize
