I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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