Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
