i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Dick very happy bro
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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