I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
