he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
