Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
