I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
im having a threesome with these popsicles
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
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