just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
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