I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
