I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
