Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Randomize
