I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
