Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
