omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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