There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
