There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
