Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I accidentally burped into my bong.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
