I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
