highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Found your dick twin last night
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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