I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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