Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
someone owes me an orgasm
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
