I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
