You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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