Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
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i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
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I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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