I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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