If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
