help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Let's get the cat blown out
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
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