I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
