we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
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